Life of Blinque

I know, SUCH an interesting subject, right?

Well yesterday I worked. It wasn't a long shift so I could handle it no problem. Near the end of it there were these two girls in line. I don't think they were dating, but one of them was definitely bi at least. She was pretty thin, dressed as a boy with boy hair and all. Absolutely ADORABLE. Well I rang them up, chatted with them for a few before they head out, and thought that would be that.

Well, the more tomboy-esque one came back in and very shyly asked me if I could turn $0.75 worth of nickels and dimes into 3 quarters. I'm ringing someone up so I go 'Oh don't worry about it hun, drawer should be open soon.' Sure enough, the customer pays with a credit card so the drawer doesn't open. I can't open the drawer without CSM approval, so I ring up the next customer and STILL they pay with a credit card.

I tell her I'm sorry, she says it's okay, and I lead her to the service desk where there's a register they can open whenever they need to. She was just so...shy and quiet, and cute about it. I can't help but get the feeling that she wanted to say something but got too nervous.

I really, REALLY wanted to talk to her more. I'm kicking myself for not asking her for her name at least. She's just makes me go 'awwwww'...

Right after I got off work Rachel and Amber drug me to this party going on the middle of nowhere. Tents are set up, and turns out we're camping out. This 'Adam' guy slinks over and sits next to me. Rachel tells me he's been asking about me all night, and I'm kind of excited to meet him. Don't worry guys, nothing happened, nothing went down, it was just nice to meet someone who was really respectful to me for a change. :]

Today I was just plain busy. Yard work and sleep deprivation. Yay.

Anyways, I hope I run into this girl sometime again. She was just ADOWABLE AND I WANT TO MEET HER!

1 – Do you and your "fursona" look alike?
Mostly, I think. I'm not AS curvy or wide-hipped as I draw Blinque to be, but it's what I would LIKE to look like. Also Blinque had purple hair, with green even for the longest time. I've NEVER had purple or green hair, but it's what I've always wanted. However, I plan on drawing her with my actual hair style, and possibly hair color, it's still up in the air. I like her to look like me, but at the same time she makes up my ideal self.


2 – Do you and your "fursona" share attires?
For the most part yes. :] I wear knee socks, tank tops, and men's pants/shorts quite often. When you see her with a studded or spiked collar though, that's a LIE. Unfortunately my spiked collar was damaged when I was walking home in the rain one day. Thought my hood would protect my neck, but sadly it did not. ;-; I'll have to get another one soon then.


3 – Do you share the same sexuality as your fursona?
Yes! Although sometimes I draw Blinque male, it's what I would have liked to be. I was/am going through this identity crisis. I've accepted the fact that I'm female, but it's still nice to think that in some small way I can be male too.


4 – If you hadn’t already made your fursona look like you, if you would to change how she looked like to make him/her look more like you, how would you think he/she would look like?
- A slight upgrade in pudge, hehe.


5 – Did you work hard to develop your fursona? What is the (brief) history of your fursona?
- Well, uhm... I love felines of all shapes/sizes, and I love dragons. It was only a matter of time before I put the two together. :3 First she had brown hair like me, but that was short lived since it looked awful and didn't match her color scheme. Then I made it purple. Recently I added green to her hair, but her hair might be changing soon anyways due to my haircut and recently dying it a reddish color. She's always had her rainbow plates, she's always been black and white. So over the years, Blinque hasn't changed a considerable amount. OH! I've added her piercings as I've gotten them in real life. I've considered making her tail short and stumpy, changing her fur, but I've never actually done it. I've just fallen for her as she is, it's how I see my ideal self and I don't think she's going to completely change any time soon.


6 – Do you and your fursona share relationship status?
- Normally yes. Even when I was dating a non-fur way back, I invented a fursona that suit him so I could draw the two together.


7 – Do you find yourself jealous or upset if you get paired with someone you don’t like or your partner does?
I don't quite understand the question. o.O Are we talking about art? Relationships?


8 – How would you like your character not to be used?
- Please don't draw porno of me if I haven't said it's okay. ;-; -Whines- Blinque raep is NEVER FUN.

9 – What’s your fursona’s specialty?
- Shitting and vomiting rainbows! Hell, I don't know. I draw her as I feel I should whenever I feel like it. I'd like to think of her as a partial shifter (since dragons in legend DO have the ability to assume different forms), which means she can take the form of a fish, but it's a black and white fish with rainbow markings.


10 – At a score of 1-10 how much are you and your fursona alike?
- I'd like to think an 8 or 9 out of 10. She's my ideal self. She has the clothes, piercings, and personality that I do. You can't get much closer than that. 83

So I've been drawing here and there. Very little though, just to relax considering I've been busy almost on a daily basis. x_x

My #1 Goal right now: Simplify my style. (Create an alternate style I guess, I'll never lose track of how to draw like I've always drawn.) I don't want to be so...anime? I want to stick out, I guess is what I'm saying. I don't want my style to just blend in with everyone else's.

So I thought I should attempt something cute. DEAR GOD, I've never drawn myself so cute and...girly. >.>;



PS - She wants hugs. GIVES HUGS NAO PLZ! And oh yeah, my hair...made it more like my irl hair, but I don't know if it's a permanent change or not yet.

Thanks guys for your comments. I'm going to def have to look into some of those shows. And yes, Angry Beavers and Road Rovers were THE SHIT. As well as Swat Kats. I love them too. <3

ANYWAYS. I worked a 9 hour shift today. My feet are SOREASFUCK OHGODWHY. I work tomorrow til 10, but at least I get to sleep in. Sunday off, Monday I work early morning. x_x I just wish I had a consistent schedule, it'd make making plans a WHOLE LOT EASIER. XAVIER COME KIDNAP ME SOON PLZ?

I'm just going insane. I live in the middle of nowhere. You should all learn how to teleport and come visit meeee! 8D Need MOAR LOCAL FRIENDS. Hopefully Rach and I can hook up Sunday. We're supposed to discuss when we're getting our tattoos.

Yes, I'm getting a tattoo, but where? I was thinking my hip but I've heard that's particularly painful, at least for a first tattoo. So I dunno, any suggestions? It's going to be small, and circular shaped, but I'm not telling anybody what it is yet. x3 keke.

PS - JINU, OTTER, JORAN, SILLY 'NANA, AIMEEEEEEEE. Miss you guys, kay? -Grabby paws-

So I'm just chattin' with Chinchy and discussing cartoons. I just got my paws on 'My Life As A Teenage Robot', considering it was one of my favorites. Sadly, it's been canceled since then, but at least they squeezed a third season out of it. I'm a fan of Avatar, but now that's over too. ;-;

Yes, I do love cartoons. I'm still a kid sometimes hehehe.

:D You guys watch any cartoons you'd like to recommend? I've seen nothing but mostly crap out there these days.

Jinu made me waffles this morning. They were BLUBERRY. 8D

Anyways. Last night me n' Wil went on web cam and talked to a few of his friends. He introduced me to one of his friends that lives in Dakota I think? Anyways he's cool. Cute too! lol. I might get YIM. Anybody on here have it and would like to talk?

Yeah I know, I'm all over the place. I need caffeine. -Grabby paws at Full Throttle-

I have been TRYING to draw but not making much progress. I'm hoping to have my scanner back soon so I can finally update my FREAKING FA.

PS - When I say don't talk to me hun, that means texts too! Now shoo shoo!

Maid Marian is hott. 8D End of story.

On another note, trying to draw more toony. Trying of drawing so anime-esque all the time. Any ideas/suggestions?

And Hollywood Undead's 'Everywhere I Go' has been stuck in my head the past few days. GO LISTEN TO IT NAOOOO! -Smack-

It's funny, just as I start typing this song starts playing on iTunes. Anyways, Ecstacy by ATB was Lawrence's and my song. For those of you who don't know me very well, Lawrence was my first serious boyfriend. He was true love for me, and I feel like ever since then I've been hungry to feel that way again. Sure, there would be times where I'd have that with somebody else for a short amount of time, but things quickly change and I realize that maybe I never truly loved as much as I loved him.

It's weird, actually. I haven't thought about him in a long time. I used to cry when I heard this song, now I just smirk and wish I could've done things differently back then. Maybe I'd still be happy today. But, you can't live in the past, just look to the future. My point of bringing him up, being that I've been having dreams about him lately. Almost on a nightly basis. They'll come out of nowhere too. And we'll just apologize and hook back up.

We ended on bad terms and we cut off communication with eachother. Some people have been saying that maybe I'm having these dreams because I just need to make amends. He really WAS an important part of my life, and I wish we could've stayed friends. He was THE most important part of my life for nearly 3 years, so I guess it's not too abnormal for me to think about him here and there.

But what I've come to realize is that now, I'm 'falling in love' left and right, every new relationship I feel like I could just spend the rest of my life with the person down the road. I expect to love again, like I did him, but things just don't work that way.

Am I ashamed to admit I rely more on being in a relationship than most people? Yes. But acceptance and admitting to a problem is the first step in fixing it, right?

I need to stop, slow down, and regain the self esteem I had way back when before I move on. How Lawrence made me feel, how many others made me feel, was like a drug I became addicted to. Do I regret loving those who I have loved? No. Do I regret not seeing things sooner? Of course I do. People make mistakes, and I am no different. It's just moving on now.

Anyways I'm taking this day off to go visit a few friends in Pittsburgh I haven't seen in a very, VERY long time. I need to clear my head. Friends are just perfect for that. <3

( Really F*CKING Pissed. Be warned. )

-Crawls into her chair and collapses over the computer desk- Good GOD I'm tired. I had a long day at work, well, it felt much longer considering I only got about 4 hours of sleep last night and I worked an earlier shift, making things less busy and actually boring.

The power went out this morning so it inconvenienced me. But, meh, I got through it I guess. Just got kinda irritated since at this time it was dark outside, so there wasn't much lighting anywhere.

The second I got into the car my back started acting up again.

Oh well, I work tomorrow then have wed and thur off. I'm looking forward to this little break. I def need to rest my back though, I don't know if I should really plan on doing anything outside the house for the next few days. (Other than work, of course.)

On another note I ran into Goober from McDonalds at Walmart. He seemed pretty happy to see me. We joked back and forth like old times. :] I miss that boy, I really really do.

I'm hoping Wednesday me n' Nick can walk around downtown Slippery Rock like old times. Y'know, mooch off the dollar menu at McDonalds and check out some of the local shops. But not for too long, my back can't take it lol.

As far as life itself goes I've been thinking a lot lately. As to who my friends are, and who are the people I actually want in my life anymore? I've decided I'm probably not going to be going to a party I was invited too next month. The guy seems to be a bit of a pig and is most likely going to be expecting more from me than I'm willing to give. I'm also tired of being stressed out by the people that I FORCE myself to talk to. I've got a large handful of people here for me when I need them, they're plenty enough for me. I don't need any negativity, or extra baggage that's going to just weigh me down, right?

<3 Catch you later. :]

So a few of you still haven't seen my new hurr. I'm just excited, never had short hair before. x3 -Giddily flails-

So yeah. Don't have many pictures for you, but this should be enough. Just note it's shorter in the back, like, quite a bit shorter. I like it! 8D A LOOOOT.

Best part is I change my part on a daily basis now, and my bangs go from swooshing one direction, to the other, to in the middle. Bahaha. I like being able to switch it up with no effort. :] Excuse me, I'm going to go back to being fascinated with my hair like a 5 year old.

( PICTURES. )

Meh, low image quality. That's what I get for submitting it through LJ. >_>

If anybody lives up around here, you'll know that Ghostriders is the BIGGEST HICK CLUB IN ANYWHERE EVER. Seriously, all they play is COUNTRY, you walk in and EVERYBODY DOES THE SAME EXACT DANCE IN LIKE 3 LINES ALL NIGHT LONG.

So yesterday I ended up calling off work because my back was freaking KILLING ME. Every time there's a season change my shoulders and upper back tighten up. It happened Friday while I was working, and come yesterday morning I couldn't even get up without feeling amazing amounts of pain. Well, Xavier lent me some tips which helped. Took a long warm shower, but it still wasn't a good idea for me to work a 9 hour shift that day..

Anyways, after laying around all night like an idiot, completely bored out of my mind staring at the cieling, I get a text from Rachel. She's like 'Amber just got her tattoo and we're on our way to a restaurant down in SR, wanna join?' I figure hell why not, might as well. SO BAM, hurried up, got dressed, ran out the door to meet them.

( It's a long but entertaining story, I PROMISE. Hehe )

PS - Subject of this journal is part of the song I'm listening too atm. x3 Hehe.

So anyways here was my to do list after work.

[x] Cash paycheck and buy some white undershirts/tank tops
[x] Get home and eat something.
[x] Watch the last episode of Avatar (and sniffle but NOT CRY, LIKE A REAL MAN.)
[x] Clean self, and promptly sniff hands for five minutes like a creep because of this orgasmic body lotion I got a few days ago.
[ ] GET SOME FUCKING SLEEP.

Anyways, as you can see there's one thing left to do tonight. I should PROBABLY prepare for my 9 hour work day tomorrow by folding up my uniform and setting everything aside. But alas, I'm lazy, my back/feet hurt, and I'd rather just curl up here with the lappy for a few and chat with my peeps. x3

I've had a few friends keep me company lately. Thanks Jonny for keepin' me calm and my mind off of things. And thanks Xavier for the tips on what to do with my back, they really helped, as my falling asleep on the couch proves hehehe.

On a more serious note:
Don't not talk to me and expect us to be good friends. Don't hit on me every time we DO talk. Don't go around saying things about me that aren't true because you want people to feel sorry for you. And don't take me to be an idiot.

I AM IN DIRE NEED OF REST. SO yes. Everyone bombard me with texts tomorrow. ;-; Since, y'know, I can't make that furmeet. -Weeps and runs off- See ya everyone!

Wow, I am so tired right now. Right after I post this I'm probably gonna be going to bed. Only to get up in the morning and go right back to work. Hey, the paycheck will be worth it right?

Anyways Walmart has been going beautifully. Better than any job I've had in the past. And luckily, nobody's caught on to my hidden labret retainer. So it looks like I'm cheating and keeping my piercing. ;D Hopefully nobody EVER finds out. I've noticed it tightens up if I have nothing in it FOR A SINGLE HOUR. Shit, that closes at an unnaturally quick pace.

As I announced like a retard I was getting my hair cut short. I got it done. 8D I want to submit pictures but I'm not on my computer right now, I'm on my mom's lappy. Sooo, I'll show you guys next time. But my friends who have seen it said it looked really cute on me, so I'm pleased. -Dances around like a nut-

I haven't had much time to draw, so I'm behind on commissions. But people have gotta understand, my serious life and serious job come before the doodles I do on the side. I'm working through it guys, just very slowly. I have some things I want to scan and put on FA, but my parents kind of have my scanner right now. Long story short, they dont' have one and think what's mine is theirs. -Sigh- So whateverrr. They can do what they want.

On a random note, a buddy of mine just told me I'm adorable and he has no idea why I'm single. WHY? BECAUSE FURRIES ARE GAY AND PEOPLE ARE DOUCHES AND -huff huff huff- -VENT VENT VENT- Bla. So yes, touchy subject. All is well though. I just miss my friends more than anything. I've been so busy I haven't had the chance to spend much time with anybody. u_u And I feel like a dumbass. On the way home from work today I pulled out my cellphone to call and say goodnight to someone. I'm like 'wait, what? I have no one to say goodnight too, I'm a freaking retard.'

I MISS PEOPLE. I'M SO RONERY. COME VISIT ME, EVEN AT WALLY WORLD. -Flails-

P.S - Amongst much other dirty talk, Rachel was talking to me about weiners. ;_; Apparently everybody needs laid. GAHHH -Retardation ensues-

So I was supposed to head down to Pittsburgh today to hang out with Xavier, Joran, Jinu and a few others, but sadly I wasn't able to schedule a ride home. D: But I REALLY need to get out of the house today. My thoughts are driving me CRAZY. So, I'm heading over to Steph's today with Rachel. They're local, and Tony doesn't mind driving me around. As long as he doesn't try to sexify me he's okay to be around. >_>;

Steph's chopping my hair off. Yep. I'm getting it cut short. When I say short, I'm planning on shorter than chin length. It'll be dyed too. Nothing crazy, because Walmart sucks a dead dog's dick sideways on Christmas. But yep, I'll be posting pictures within the next few days. Wish me luck.

I've never had short hair in my entire life. >_> I'm ready for a change. Anyways, I'm off.

Catch you guys later!

So I went to bed at a reasonable hour, but I woke up a few hours later and I'm having a hard time falling back asleep. @-@ I was just curious, what do you guys normally do when you can't sleep? Hot tea? Count sheep?

I usually have a bowl of cereal and that knocks me out. Sadly it doesn't seem to be working this time around. >_>

Thanks guys!

P.S - I probably won't see any responses by the time I finally do crash, but still leave tips. I can use them for next time. 8D

Pandy said it, so I'll say it too, I'm single. Not that I enjoy announcing it, but I don't need another 'so how are you and your boyfriend?' Truth is, I don't have one. That does not mean I'm looking for another. I like just going solo, and I think I'll want that for a while. I've dealt with too much strain to just want to dive into another relationship. I'm tired of things I can avoid dealing with I guess. We'll just leave it at that.

On another note I'm still busy with things around the house. I've began to gradually fill up another sketchbook. Trying to force myself to do 2 sketches a night so I'm prepared and ready for the next con. Overall I've been able to keep up, but the past few nights I've been busy with some things, including being my mom's slave and hanging out with Rachel, Steph and Amber which I haven't done in forever.

Not yesterday, but the day before I get call from Rachel. "OMG YOU NEED TO COME OVER EVERYBODY WANTS TO SEE YOU AND I'M GETTING STUFF FOR SMORES AND BEER AND LOLOLLLFJDKLSFJDLJSFD" Hm. A bonfire, you say? MOM I'M GOING OUT. -Flies upstairs to get dressed-


( YOU SHOULD CLICK THIS THING. 8D )

So I haven't been online in a few days. Aside my lack of motivation, my mom's kept me fairly busy around the house. The convention was great while it lasted, now to get back to living in the middle of nowhere. Commissions are taking longer to get done than I thought considering my mom also gave me two projects to help out with. 1) The website for her business, 2) The invitations for my aunt's baby shower. I'm running around frantic ripping my hair out because not only does it feel like there's not enough hours in the day anymore, it takes a few hours after I wake up before I feel motivated enough to get anything done. Anxiety perhaps? Psh. :P

I'm getting ready to head down to Pittsburgh. I'm not completely slacking though, I'll be working on the art for the baby shower invites in illustrator courtesy of Ninja-kitty's laptop and Otterface's tablet. xD I'll be home at a fairly early hour tomorrow, and I'll get back to work.

I hate to keep putting commissions off, but family first, plus, she rides my ass IN PERSON. Can't beat that, lol. :]

In other news my phone is like 'LOL FUCK YOU BLINQUE' and is glitching out...again. I don't know if I need to update it again or what, but it's starting to piss me off. Texts are getting to me later and later, and sometimes I don't get them at all. Sometimes they won't send either. So if I haven't been responding or texting, you guys know why.

I've gotten back into the habit of playing DDR. Only then did I realize how out of shape I've become over the past few months. >-> Time to rid myself of this hibernation fat, I need to get back into shape! God I feel like an inflated version of my former self at the moment. Self esteem boost, anyone? ANYONE? AHH!

So yes. I'll be posting stuff to FA soon. :] Why? Because you touch yourself at night, that's why.

I still plan on going to CCAC in the fall, although my move might have to wait until Spring. Whatever it takes, I'll be there soon. I'll have my license within the next month too if things go as planned. -Waves fist angrily- SOMEDAY, PARALLEL PARKING, I WILL CONQUER YOUUUU!

I'll be meeting with a councelor sometime during the week to see what classes will/will not transfer from my current school, and where I will be going for my summer semester.

-Sigh- Busy busy busy. I hope walmart calls back soon. I want to just get working damnit!

-Runs around in circles flailing- So much to do, SO LITTLE TIME!

Yes yes, I'm actually home now. Although I'm particularly exhausted. I slept in and continued to nap away most of the day. I'm probably just catching up on lost rest, trust me I need it. Aside from the stresses I've been dealing with lately, I've done a lot of traveling. I believe I was in the car/bus over the past week than I have been in my entire life. xD

Sadly I missed a furmeet today. Couldn't make the bus, had no way of getting there. ;-; But I'll be swinging down around Pittsburgh sometime next week to visit Joran and hopefully see Xavier. Trying to stay out of the house when I can't keep myself busy, I'm happier that way.

Speaking of friends, I wanted to thank you guys for being there for me when I need you. More specifically, the Joran, Jinu, and Otter-face. Thank you guys sooo much for being there to talk to. It's good to know I have people there who care enough to deal with my senseless rantings and moments. There are still some things that I need to settle, problems I need to sort through myself. I'm just happy to have friends who support me and back me up. :]

Anyways I'm officially broke. I called Walmart last night to discuss when my orientation will be, and it's not til the end of next week. ;-; So yep, I'm unemployed, for yet another week. -Sighs- I'm starting to get very concerned, I'm worried I won't have the money I wanted saved up for my move in time. That's troublesome.

But there IS Anthrocon. I plan on making some money there, I'm starting preparation NOW so I'll actually be prepared this time. So wish me luck, guys! I'm definitely gonna need it!

Anyways hope to catch you guys later. Now I'm very tired, and have a cousin's birthday party to go to tomorrow. @_@ Night!